did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize