Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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