i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
