I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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