she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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