All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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