you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
