i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
