remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
