ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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