Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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