I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
