david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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