I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
