At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize