is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
