I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
