I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize