Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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