If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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