Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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