dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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