I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
