he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize