dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize