I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize