i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
