i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
