My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
