Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Randomize
