I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
