My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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