My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
