I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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