i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
