oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
