hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
