ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
only you would photoshop your dick
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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