i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
