both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
