Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
