When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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