May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
