Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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