you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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