Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
