my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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