i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its about making memories worth repressing
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
