it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
