I cannot find my penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
