Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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