Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
