she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
