At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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