Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
