Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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