...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize