it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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