Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
