he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
