I got chris browned last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
