Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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