my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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