there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
