I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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