Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
