her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
