i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
