Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
