Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
BRING THE BAGELS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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