so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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