If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize