Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
