WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
