WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
