Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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