The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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