your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
