did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've blown a few things in my day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize