I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
