Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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