im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
