I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
