Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
