My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
