oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
