apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
