What a fucking waste of an outfit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
