that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
