This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
