I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
