If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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