Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
