KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
