Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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