You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize