Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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