Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
