I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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