I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
