So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize