dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
