I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
