while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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