Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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