I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
