the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
