Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
