hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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