True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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