you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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