He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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