I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
