FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
